I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
