how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
