OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
