As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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