I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize