whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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