It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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