If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
