I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
