Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
They are going to name an STD after you.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
