too bad you live with your parents still
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
