Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
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Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
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