My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
