failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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