so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
