My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
