She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
