everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
It's never too late to be topless.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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