Screwed.edu
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
