I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
cat food counts as protein by the way
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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