I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
