I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
