So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
