It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
