Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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