How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
