it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
