my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
