i was born a porn star she said
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
