I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
