Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
