NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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