She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
