you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
