It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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