Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
