I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
