my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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