no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
