found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
