The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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