mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
