It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
