You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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