i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
