in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
