We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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