That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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