those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
