My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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