thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
