one two three fourrrrnication!
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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