my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
