dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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