the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
God, I missed his penis.
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