I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
