I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
