I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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