So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
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