He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
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Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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