so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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