I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
