The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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