Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You had me at "let me see your balls"
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
