This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
