This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
