i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
